Science says a cloud is composed of vaporized water, but I say that it is composed of fluffy cotton candy. You say that my belly is full, but I say that it has, and always will have plenty of room for food.

The truth may be that this twenty some pound pup might just have scarfed down a bowl full of chicken and rice, a side of mash potatoes, broccoli covered in cheese sauce, along with the crust of a grilled cheese sandwich, and a slice of apple pie. And to wash it all down drunk half a dozen shakes and eaten a couple of jumbo sundaes.

Now in a normal world, where science declares that overeating is dangerous, and deadly to your health. This feat of gastronomy, would be dangerous, even deadly. But in this wonderful new world where truth is relative, and you are free to write your own truth, this little pup shall never again have to worry about hearing those awful words, “No more food Happy you have had too much to eat. If you eat any more you will be a very sick little pup.”

Because thankfully, science has evolved and discovered that the idea of absolute truth is rubbish. After hundreds, even thousands of years of searching for the truth, they have finally freed themselves from this stuffy, and limiting concepts, and have at last matured and come to the very adult understanding that truth is not concrete, but is instead subject to my every desire, and whim.

And now thanks to the lifesaving realization that truth is relative, and is whatever I say that it is, I am at last free to live out my true desires unhampered by the soul damaging lie that eating too much food can kill. Thanks to this wonderful new revelation, I can at last live be my true self, and reach my full potential, and eat all the food that my little puppy heart desires!

Pasta, stake, burgers and fries, a field of cabbage, cake,cookies, and even the once deadly box of chocolate, it does not matter. All are mine for the taking. All are mine for the enjoying, thanks to the wonderful new reality that, there is no reality,except the one that you believe. And I believe that I am a food eating champion. A competitive little pup capable of winning the toughest food eating challenge. A hundred or a thousand calories, it does not matter, if you place it in front of me, I will eat it.

No, better yet, I am a super pup. A hero of the nations, able to leap mountains of food with a single lick and to consume whole forest of rich pies and pastries without even breaking into a sweat. Because I am such a hero, I will now be able to complete such overwhelming feats like eating a thousand scoops of ice cream, a hundred pounds of pasta, 1000 pizzas, a few dozen orders of burgers and fries, a side of cake and cookies, a couple of stakes, some coconut cream pie, a few chocolate eclairs, and half the local supermarket, and still have plenty of room for more.

Best of all, thanks to the improved understanding of science, I will never have to worry about feeling guilty for eating too much, or have to listen to the naysayers that insist that eating too much is bad for my health. Because thanks to the wonderful scientific revelation that truth is relative, I never have to worry about consequences for my actions again.

Yum yum, I am so hungry and since I believe that my belly will never run out of room, that calories are not real, and that gaining weight is a state of mind, I shall never again have to worry about the consequences of eating too much.

I can eat all that without ever having to worry that I am in danger of overeating, becoming overweight, developing diabetes, or eating so much that my stomach shall burst. And because I believe it, that instantly makes it so. Meaning that no matter what I do, no matter how foolish it may appear, such as eating house and home, because I believe that like the mythical blob, I was born to eat every morsel of food in sight, I can eat every morsel in sight. And the laws of nature will magically alter to my new state of reality, allowing me to eat as much as I please without ever getting sick to my stomach again.

Now instead of being constrained by the naysayers who foolishly hold to the old, inhibiting and soul destroying idea that eating too much is dangerous for your health. Who point to the science that says too many calories will shorten your life span, and lead to a host of deadly diseases, I can confidently point them to the real science that says, my truth is my truth and your truth is your truth, and the amount of calories I can consume is determined by truth. After all, the amount of food I require is based upon where I am on the fluid and ever changing spectrum of caloric requirements. Today I might consider myself to be a hibernating slough and thus require only a bite or two of food, but tomorrow I might identify as a humming bird and have to eat several times my body weight just to stay alive.

Oh isn’t the reality that there is no such thing as concrete truth grand! Don’t you feel so much more alive, and a thousand fold healthier knowing that the rules of life and health no longer apply. Does your heart not sing now that you know that you no longer need to worry about the silly belief that too many or too few calories will destroy life and health?

I know that I am a much happier pup, and that my only regret is that I did not comprehend the wonderful depths of this great truth earlier. If only I had why I could have enjoyed a thousand fold more treats without ever suffering the slightest pain. Think of all the delicious delights I was denied because I believed the so called science that said too many calories will make you gain weight, develop high cholesterol and become a diabetic. To think, I wasted so much time listening to the stuffy voices of unscientific minds and their endless preaching about the laws of life and health and the consequences of violating those archaic rules like

  • chocolate kills dogs
  • overeating will make you gain weight
  • too much sugar is bad for your health
  • being overweight can lead to diabetes
  • if you eat too much your stomach  will burst
  • at best overeating will make you a sick and sluggish pup because overeating can kill

Why those rules are right out of the stone age and should be dropped at once. They clearly do not fit into our enlightened world and mesh with our new and scientifically proven understanding that our calorie needs are not rigid, but fluid. That today we might feel like we have the caloric needs of a snail, a horse, or better yet a trash compacter. And simply because we believe our needs to be that of a horse or a food compactor, the laws of nature will magically conform to our reality, allowing us to safely eat as much or as little as we desire.

Now that I understand the real truth, I understand why the Bible says that the truth will set you free. And I am so glad I have been set free. I am so relieved that science finally got the truth about truth right. And now know that there is no such thing as the truth, only my truth and your truth. Because now that I know that my truth is what matters, and not the truth the matters, I shall never have to fear the naysayer again.

Oh thank you so much dear scientist for setting me straight and setting me free. Thanks to you, no matter what anyone else may say, I shall never again fear the consequences of overeating and fear eating myself to death ever again!

Isn’t real science grand. I am so glad that I can believe that I am Happy, the food compactor, able to eat whole tables of food in one sitting. And because this is my truth, I can eat all I want, and never have to fear gaining weight or getting sick to my stomach ever again!