They say that disappointment is the worst thing for the heart, but I say that in most matters, uncertainty is the far more dangerous thorn. For as terrible as disappointment may be, at least when one knows the worse,  once can grieve over the ashes of a lost dream and move on and seek a new hope to cheer their way. But when one rides the roller coaster of uncertainty, hope does not last yet there is no chance to mourn as one repeatedly soars high with hope and then rapidly falls into the pit of loss. Trapped on the roller coaster of uncertainty one repeatedly cycles between hope and disappointment until the heart has neither strength for joy or grief.


First I celebrate because they say my house on Happy Acres can be built, then two days later I am crying because they say that it is impossible. Then an hour later they tell me that they solved the problem only to call back the next day to say that there is a new problem.


Over and over my heart has risen and fallen like a ship riding the waves of a hurricane as for a few moments I shout with joy only to become a basket of tears the next when my dream is cruelly burst for the hundredth time in a month.


As much as I love my land and desire with my whole heart to make it my home, and have spent countless hours imagining how wonderful it will look once it has been lined with flowering trees and adorned with a fruiting garden,


my poor little puppy heart cannot take this up and down ride on the roller-coaster of uncertainty. Painful as it is I would rather grieve over my lost dream than continue to soar high into the heavens on the wings of hope, only to be dashed over and over upon the seemingly endless shores of heart break. Never knowing if I am free to shout for joy or should become a puddle of tears as my coaster of dreams endlessly rises and falls.